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Memories - Our first date

After talking to each other for a few months. Dodging each other's presence to see each other. There was a big hype to see each other face to face. Who knew not seeing one another would make an exciting meeting. And I wasn't let down either.

We we converse to each other during the day , throughout the day  and to the evening, falling asleep right on the phone hearing each other snoring. That's how I got an $800 dollar phone bill. Maybe that was an earlier sign that I knew you were going to be costly. Costing me a whole lot... haha.

We still had a burning need to meet. Our phone convos were just an initial , teasing invite to each other's lives. And you were such a tease. Still are to the present. Its intoxicating. A drunk feeling that I couldn't ignore. Feeling sucked in , not trapped moreso enthralled, invited to your presence. I know we talked a lot. But , there was more to talk about on an upfront, deeper, intimate level face to face to say.

Maybe, I fell in love with you over the phone at the sound of your voice. Nah, I think I fell when you spoke of your daughter and how honest and humble when you said you couldn't provide for her as you cried and tried to pull away from me over the phone.

Don't you see the connection, that even then we developed early in our courtship?
Babe, i couldn't let you go. Not even if I wanted. 
I wanted to protect you then, secure you in my cloak from the hurts and pains.
But you were already strong. 
I just wanted to give you strength so I could push you forward. 
Not for me to use, but for me to give.

I know your not mines now. But to me, thats the only way I can talk about you because at one time you were and even in the present, you are.

we had our little countdown to the very day that I was to pick you up. I remember it clearly, because when I went to the bank, I ran into a former classmate of mine. I drove excitedly, happily and nervous to your grandmas place. I had the Budos band playing in the car. I had arrived at your place and called you up to let you know I was here.

The moment you stepped out the front door, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. You were beautiful. I know we made an agreement so that you were not to wear a dress for a reason. And I was forever thankful becasue we were not going to make through the date. I saw your oldest at the door smiling for you. I was in complete awe as you walked down the stairs, and to the passenger side to get in.

Looking so pretty in a pair of jeans and white shirt. As soon as you got in, I reverted my eyes away from you. It was as if you changed me into a teenage boy.  I couldn't look at you. It was all too real to grasp.
I had a date.
Pretty woman
Ability to communicate
Capable functioning
Needs assistance.

You sat there smiling in all your glory while I sat there flabbergasted, mumbling, gibberish- gone.

Its like you didn't see yourself from my position, through my eyes. A worldly wonder. An emobodied beauty in sight.


That was my first date experience with you.
Just that.

So I drive off and you question me a concern.
"Whats wrong?'
"Uh.  Nothing" 'You are too beautiful.' 
"Then, why won't you look at me"
" I can't"

I feel your touch. That alone sparks a jerk in the vehicle motion

'please don't touch me'
You  touch my hair. My white boy hair do.



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March 2011
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