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Heh

So, I know I'm far from perfect. But I do constantly struggle to self improve. Theres nothing wrong with letting your imperfections show. It shows that your human. I can walk like a man, but I am not one. I take hormones to be me. And that is exactly how god made me. I'm to come out this way. I'm only natural. I don't like to fuck up but yes I do make mistakes. I try to improve that way I don't end up in the same lousy fucked up situations as before. As I am learning now.

Heh...

Yesterday, I got a blessing from a guy at work. We talked, we shared our insights on life and what of it. But yeah, he has bi- polar do and I'm currently questioning if I do too. we talked about how no one is perfect. And the pretty much the simplicity of life is just understanding our interactions is simply the nature of humanity aka human nature. Why the way we are is because there is an origin. We all have a story. All of us are walking stories.

I'll go through some that I have encountered in my travels. My former best friend godparents they are probably in there early 60's or so homebodies, philadelphia natives that have escaped from the bitter city life to the rural simplistic life of Virginia. How did they get there? Or Mr. and Mrs. V, Mr. V has to go to dialysis and Mrs. V is by his side caring for him on those days, a generous act, he ha brain damage, he calls his wife and tells her that he loves her whenever he is loaded in the ambulance. Next, Mrs L. and Mr. L. MrL. makes sure his wife is boarded on the ambulance and waits for her return. But you know what I don't know what the other side of the story is. I may just see this side and think things are okay in all aspects when its not. We all struggle. We all are trying ti make it in this world. I just don't see it.  

I'm trying to make it just like the rest. I'm trying to establish myself in this big bad world just like the rest. I'm not trying to compete. Not trying to fuck around just trying to get to that destination , a place called happiness. The more I see the true faces of people, places, and things,  the more I just want to keep it simple.

Im trying to make it. Just like everybody else. I'm trying to make it count. Every moment matters. What I do , I cherish. The problems aren't going to stop coming. They get bigger and harder. I'm going to keep on fighting man. Its what I have to do. I'm going to cry, yell, scream and all that. But I'm not going to stop because I refuse to let somebody, some authority to tell me what I do is fucking wrong. I'm a free soul. I roam wherever I may go.  I value what I do because it matters to me. I'm passionate man. This existing to exist is a waste of time. If I got a love of my life out there, sure as fuck I'm going to fight for her till my last dying breath. Because what I see is gold. What I do, is the truth to me!

I'm going to go through it. Impossible is nothing to me. I set my aim to to stars and past them. I'm going to make it man. I'm going to have my damn day. Its the journey I choose to take. I'm going to have my family , I'm going to have my rock star wife Tamika. We're going to go through it. We're going to have our day man. Its a struggle, a fight, a nasty brawl. Sure I've lost some rounds, but I'm going to do what I have to do, to get the shit done. I'm going to make it. I'm going to have it. Its my dream. 

Its hard out here. Life is what you make it. I've got things I'm grappling with, but I'm learning. I'm going to make better decisions. I'm going to make this world mine. I'm taking back my life. I've come to a turning point and make this gold a gem, a worldly wonder. This world is mine, my world is gold. 

What matters the most is that I go back to basics and remind myself what I go home to, I'm going to find balance and peace in all things, there is no rush. Time is on my side. I'm going to learn from my mistakes and find a way to make it work. Just because it didn't work in that route doesn't mean that there aren't alternate ways. I'm going to get it. Because I'm learning. I'm not going to stop.

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